tindolini
Вуайеризм Изабель был утонченного рода: она предпочитала наблюдать за наблюдателями.
Как-то в попытке объяснить сюжетную дыру в первом акте Рента я залезла в гугл и наткнулась на Broadway Abridged. Мои убеждения не позволяют мне стебаться над родным и любимым, но местами это так смешно, что я не мог не.
Вот кстати то самое, что я искала:
WHITE NERD
I'm back from fixing WHITE GIRL's sound system.

WHITE HUNK
(pulls out Playbill)
No, you aren't. That scene isn't supposed to happen until much later, for reasons unbeknownst to man.

WHITE NERD
Oh?
(also pulls out Playbill)
You're right... So then where was I really during "One Song" and "Light My Candle"?

WHITE HUNK
Let's go with "conveniently offstage, so I could have alone time and character development".

WHITE NERD
Shut up you, taunting me with the character development that I shall never be privy to!



WHITE NERD
Captain's log. December 24th, Nineteen hundred and ninety--
(cough)

WHITE HUNK
Wait, what year was that?

WHITE NERD
Cough. Nineteen-ninety-cough.



WHITE HUNK
Oh no, the electricity is out. You know what that means...

BOTH WHITE GUYS
LET'S ROCK AND ROLL, ELECTRIC-GUITAR-LIKE-THE-ELECTRICITY-WAS STILL-WORKING STYLE! YEAAAAAAHHHHHH!



WHITE HUNK
IT'S COLD!

WHITE NERD
WE'LL BURN MY MANUSCRIPTS FOR HEAT!

WHITE HUNK
REMEMBER IN THE OPERA WHEN THAT WAS FUNNY?

WHITE NERD
YEAH!

MOST OF THE CAST
WE'RE NOT GOING TO GROW UP
AND GET JOBS AND PAY OUR DAMN RENT
EVEN THOUGH EVERYBODY DOES IT,
AND SOMEHOW THIS MAKES US
SYMPATHETIC CHARACTERS!



WHITE NERD
Worst roommate ever.
(to audience)
By the way, HE HAS AIDS AND IS GOING TO DIE.
God help you for the rest of this show if you weren't paying attention just then.
(exits)



WHITE HUNK
Hey you know, we totally forgot about black-non-cross-dresser guy. He hasn't come up in a good four or five songs, should we be concerned about him?

WHITE NERD
No, why?

WHITE HUNK
Dude's got our keys. Shouldn't we at least be concerned about our KEYS?



GORDON
(just some guy at the meeting)
Hey, I have a problem with the overly rosy way you're teaching us to deal with AIDS.

HEAD OF LIFE SUPPORT MEETING
Maybe it's because we're all on this very tall platform way upstage right, and you're by yourself all the way downstairs, downstage left.

GORDON
Oh?
(walks up to the platform)
Wow, you're right! Having AIDS is much more optimistic from up here!



LATINA GIRL
You really should hook up with me.

WHITE HUNK
Why?

LATINA GIRL
Because you can see all of the details of my womanly plumbing in these pants.

WHITE HUNK
(angrily shouting)
(but via song!)
NO GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT YOU LITTLE GIRL I CAN'T HANDLE YOU GOD DAMN WITCH.

LATINA GIRL
Whoa, harsh. Didn't we JUST MEET?



Homeless People in the streets suddenly do synchronized choreography.

Perhaps Homeless People in the 90s were just more talented.



DRUG DEALER
You can't invite her out for a dinner party, she's supposed to be doing drugs tonight!

WHITE HUNK
No, I've SAVED HER FROM YOU!

DRUG DEALER
Nooooooooooo!
(melts)



WHITE NERD
(to waiter)
I'll have the expensive organic food platter.

STRAIGHT BLACK GUY
How extravagant. So does that mean you have some rent money?

WHITE NERD
(eating mushroom truffles)
Still no.

STRAIGHT BLACK GUY
Boy, I'm SUCH AN ASSHOLE for asking you bohemians to pay rent!



WHITE HUNK
I didn't catch that. Did anybody catch that?

WHITE NERD
No.

LATINA GIRL
No.

CHORUS
No.

WHITE HUNK
We have a chorus?



STRAIGHT BLACK GUY
Hey LATINA GIRL, your new boyfriend doesn't know about us. I think we used to fuck?

LATINA GIRL
So do you have AIDS?

STRAIGHT BLACK GUY
Somehow I don't.

WHITE HUNK
(overhearing)
I DO! Let's date, LATINA GIRL, it's great to have things in common! AZT AZT AZT.



WHITE HUNK
HEY! FORGET YOU, LATINA GIRL! I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU!

LATINA GIRL
I am sad! I will revert back to EVIL DRUGS. And maybe having sex with STRAIGHT BLACK GUY?

GAY BLACK GUY WHO *IS* A CROSS-DRESSER
Let's *all* have sex!

EVERYBODY
YAY!



WHITE HUNK
WHITE HUNK needs a change; he's moving to Santa Fe.

WHITE NERD
Santa Fe? Why?

WHITE HUNK
BLACK GAY GUY haphazardly mentioned it in Act One... seemed like a great idea.

WHITE NERD
You weren't even in the scene where he--

WHITE HUNK
SEEMED LIKE A GREAT IDEA.



WHITE NERD
How are you going to get there?

WHITE HUNK
WHITE HUNK traded in his guitar for a whole car.

WHITE NERD
Boy, money made no sense in the 1990s!

WHITE HUNK
WHITE NERD MAKE NO SENSE IN THE 1990s!

WHITE NERD
IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO STOP TALKING IN THIRD PERSON, THEN LEAVE!

WHITE HUNK
I'll call.
I hate the fall.
(pause)
Oh my god I can't believe I just rhymed that.
(exits)



WHITE HUNK
(enters)
Hey I'm back, and it's cough months later.
I sold my car and bought a guitar again and came up with an idea for ONE SONG which I wrote.

WHITE NERD
Sounds like a character development I'd love to see if they ever make a movie version of this!

WHITE HUNK
Nah... It'll end up with me singing on a mountaintop.



LESBIAN BLACK GIRL
AND LESBIAN WHITE GIRL

Help! We have LATINA GIRL and she's dying of a lethal combination of AIDS and EVIL DRUGS and WHITE HUNK NOT LOVING HER ENOUGH!



LATINA GIRL
(dies)

WHITE HUNK
NO!!!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO AT LEAST WAIT FOR THE CHORUS!
(sung incredibly dramatically)
LATINA GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRL!

@темы: I don’t own emotion - I rent